Revelations from Adult Children, aka Confessions and Lame Excuses, part 1

Ziva, 4, fights off garden dragon

Rationalization is a process of not perceiving reality, but of attempting to make reality fit one’s emotions.
– Ayn Rand, Philosophy: Who Needs It?

There must be something magical that happens when an adult child hits the quarter century mark. Some parents are blessed with an adult child that has become an asset to society and is either employed (not as a superstore grocery cart collector) or is attending college. Then there are parents whose quarter-century child still lives at home, in the basement, wandering from job to job or taking an occasional night class, as long as it doesn’t interfere with friends and gaming.

Whichever category of parent you are, there comes a time when your child will approach you with a confession. Sometimes these confessions are triggered by a conversation, a movie, a family crisis, or a streak of conscience. Some of the confessions I received came after spending the night in the emergency room with my daughter and granddaughter or after a pleasant afternoon together. Regardless of the confessional trigger, it’s tough to be prepared for the confessions; just know they will occur. Here are some of my favorites gathered from other parents:

  • One daughter was caught driving without a license at the age of 15. She snuck out of the house at 2am (on a school night) to visit a girlfriend. The friend wanted to ‘drag Main Street’ and then drink afterward. However, the friend drank too much, too soon. Afraid to call for help, the daughter drove the friend home but forgot to turn on the headlights which attracted the attention of the police.
  • Another daughter called her mother from her ‘friend’s’ apartment, asking how to clean an apartment. The mother was suspicious and asked why she was cleaning his apartment (knowing full well how much the daughter disliked cleaning her own room). Advice was given, but 6 weeks later the daughter confessed she was pregnant, linking the event to the friend’s apartment cleaning.
  • Another daughter confessed to creating a nauseating concoction of creamed corn and cocoa powder to convince her parents she was sick. The mixture was deposited into the appropriate receptacle when she was unprepared for school or simply did not want to go anywhere.
  • A son confessed that the broken car window was not the result of a break in, but hanging out with friends, getting drunk, and accidentally locking the keys in the car. They broke the window to gain access and concocted a robbery story. The son also confessed that he later discovered the keys had been in his coat pocket the entire time.
  • A son confessed that he sold the family silverware to buy cigarettes and beer.
  • Another son learned to turn the odometer of the family car back and modify his father’s tire marks to hide his late night escape with friends.

Are you cringing? Are you nodding in sympathy? Those of us who have received confessions are left with jaw gaping and stifled laughter. When asked ‘why are you telling me this now?’ most children would state they felt it was time their parents knew. Others would admit they didn’t know why other than to clear their conscience. At the time, there would have been severe consequences, but maybe since they are now ‘adults’ they are free from punishment. Is it too late?

And these are just after-the-fact confessions. Next week, we’ll explore the lame excuses our adult children have tossed us. Are you ready?

What confessions have you received from your children? Did you confess your sins of youth to your parents? You’re among friends here; let’s hear your tales.

Kristen Edens
A grandparent in business

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